Thursday, January 23, 2014

From Here To The Post Office

Listen to your body, when? All the time. Listen to your brain, when? Hmm, jury is still out on that one. We have to depend upon ourselves for so much, I for one would plan out events so I could pace myself physically (and honestly decide if the effort was worth the event).

But I have found that even now that I feel 100% more mobile then I did a year ago, I still listen to that inner voice that tells me I can't do something.

A year ago, walking to my mailbox (I know I've said this many times, so please forgive yet another reference) was a chore. I would pull into the driveway, park the car at the end, then get the mail and drive the rest of the way up to the house. I can now walk to that mailbox and back and the only reason I park at the end (when i do) is because currently my driveway is a sheet of ice and the fear of a fall outweighs the need to feel like I can walk it now.

Earlier this week, I walked to the post office from my office. It is a little over a block away (a little further than my mailbox), and it was the first time I had done it in the year and half that I have worked there. Typically I go to the post office on my way into work, drive there, then drive on to the parking lot. I walk further to and from my car every day, but something in my head said I can't walk to the post office, so I never did, until this week.

I was almost in tears when I came out of the post office and turned to head back, I could actually see the pillars on the front of our building from where I stood in front of the post office - it was that close. I know that walk would have been very painful when I first started my job and the fear of that pain has kept me from even considering it, until now - which by the way was a fluke that I even did so, I had parked on the street and while I was walking back to my car I noticed how close the post office was and decided I would walk to it, instead of driving to it as I left for the day.

This is a long post about a short walk; but it is monumental for me emotionally, I still have a lot to work on in thinking I can do something and not just continuing to immediately say "I can't do that".

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