A post in one of my Lipedema Support groups got me reliving a painful time in my life, when I stopped the activities I was doing because they were not working (aka I was not losing weight).
A lot of you know my story, so I won't retell it all, but I was an active person, loved the gym; as an adult I did not see much weight loss, I would ask my doctor what was wrong, as I was working out all the time, eating healthy, etc. IT DID NOT COMPUTE.
Eating healthy & being active are
suppose to equal a fit body, right?
My Doctor agreed it didn't make sense, she was also a member at my gym, and said she always saw me there. Together we tested everything possible, healthy was always the result.
Then a few years down the road a diagnosis of Lipedema, from a Vodder trained Physical Therapist, had me going back to my Doctor - finally an answer for why my body was the way it was; then nothing you can do, and exercise could make it worse. Not just her saying that, everything we read online said that.
Fear of making myself worse kept me inside, legs up, no gym, as prescribed. It was not the answer for me. My weight increased, and I lost most of my mobility.
That fear is what I'm recalling today. I hate being afraid, I hate the way it makes you feel helpless. Lipedema and what it does to your body, what it does to your mind, is brutal; it tries every moment of every day to make you feel weak and afraid, like a victim.
Fighting back is what saved me,
not only physically, but mentally as well.
I may never look the way I want to, I may never get the level of fitness I want to have, but I will go down fighting for whatever fitness I can obtain.
Even those first days, those first months of the hardest part of my journey in regaining my mobility (aka the beginning) I started to feel control swinging back to my side. It was small and gradual, but it was real. I could feel my warrior coming out, ready for battle. Those little feelings of hope were what I clung to.
I think for me it is the fighting that keeps me going,
the act of taking action that mentally does the most for me.
What do you do to fight the mental war against Lipedema? How do you feel confident, and take control when it is trying to make you feel powerless and afraid? Whatever it is, do it, and keep doing it!
When my inner voice gets loud about the way I'm breathing like I just ran a marathon, but it is only the walk back to my car at the end of my work day, I tell my inner voice to suck it; I remind it how strong I am, how mobile I am, how badass I am, and that I will keep talking it down, pushing back, winning by walking.
By the time I'm done scolding my inner voice I'm at my car and feeling fine.
I have to get visual, see Lipedema for the bully it is and tell myself, not today! Today I fight you, and that is all I focus on, today, that moment.
Hope you win the fight today, and tomorrow, and next week. Stay strong, and know you have thousands of Lipedema women and friends and loved ones backing you up.